She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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