i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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