Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
