Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
