Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
