Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
