Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
