she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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