Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
