he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
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But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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