Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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