Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Send help, water and tortillas.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
