I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry about my life...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
