all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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