The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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