In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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