those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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