If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
