I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
not ubering you a puppy
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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