Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
