I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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