dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
