You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
