Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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