I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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