At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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