Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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