dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
