I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
