My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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