Christians are straight up FREAKS
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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