I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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