They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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