Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
