I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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