It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
