hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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