just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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