i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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