Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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