that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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