The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
