I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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