Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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