So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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