You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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