god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
oh god the rape fog is back!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I am available for nakedness
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
