My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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