Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
