Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
