now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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