Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
