either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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