im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
