She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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