i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize