youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
