I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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