I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
