I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
