I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
