Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
