What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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