she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
