his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
