her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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