i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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