He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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