Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
