i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
