You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
