Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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