I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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