the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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