my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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