I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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