Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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