Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
