you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
