I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
